Think for a moment about the people you have been communicating well with recently. How do you feel about them? How do they feel about you? As human beings, we make decisions based on emotions, which means that the people you build the best agreements with are likely those you have positive feelings toward. That is simply our nature.
Building relationships leads to trust. Trust in the context of negotiations is, in essence, the willingness to make yourself vulnerable to another person's will in pursuit of a mutual benefit.
Trust changes the atmosphere of negotiations
The dynamic is straightforward. If there is no trust between us, we will conduct our conversation in an atmosphere of suspicion, and any agreement we reach will be, at best, a compromise, a result where each party has sacrificed something it wanted in order to reach a deal.
If trust exists between us, we will negotiate in an atmosphere of focus, because we have eliminated the distraction and barrier of suspicion. Moreover, we will have the courage to be more open about our interests, working together to craft an agreement where everyone leaves the table with a win.
A successful agreement can be the beginning of a profitable collaboration that lasts for years. That is what modern negotiation is about. My decades of experience as a professional negotiator confirm this conclusively.
Read also: Trust in Negotiations
A deeper look at the mechanics of trust and how to build it deliberately.
Respect: the foundation of relationships
The basis for cultivating good relationships is respect. We demonstrate respect toward our counterpart through practices such as:
- Listening: maintaining eye contact, turning your body toward the speaker, not interrupting, not changing the subject before the current one is concluded
- Taking their words seriously: confirming that you have understood their interests, for example through paraphrasing; reflecting their interests in the proposals you present
- Punctuality: respecting the other person's time
- Creating space for a partnership: treating each other as equals
Communication: the building material of relationships
An essential factor is communication. You cannot build a good relationship with someone you cannot communicate with. Communication is the building material of interpersonal relationships, because it is through communication that people interact, and interaction is the space where relationships happen.
- Listening: focusing fully on the speaker when they are talking
- Showing curiosity: being willing to talk about the other person more than about yourself
- Authenticity: avoiding deceptive tools such as lies
- Consistency: ensuring your behavior reflects your words
Related article: Persuasion and Influence in Negotiation
How ethical persuasion strengthens your negotiation outcomes.
Summary
Building relationships is an infinitely broad subject. I encourage you to reflect on your relationships in the business environment and to observe these dynamics with the aim of conscious learning. By spending time with people who are excellent at building relationships, you will experience the kind of relationship they create around you, and that will be the environment in which you learn the fastest.
Quick win: At your next business meeting, focus exclusively on listening to your counterpart for the first 10 minutes. No interrupting, no planning your own response. Just listen.
