Most people think of trust as something you earn. Someone has to prove they are trustworthy before you give them your trust. Sounds reasonable? It does. But this way of thinking leads to an impasse where both sides wait for the other to make the first move.
In negotiations, such an impasse means one of two things: either the talks stall at a dead end, or they end in a compromise where nobody is truly satisfied. And all it would have taken was a single shift in how you think about trust.
What is trust?
When we trust someone, it means that person is worthy of trust (not the other way around). However, trust is not something that person earns from us. Trust is a quality we possess. It is a context we assign to people when we choose to trust them.
This perspective on trust is important because it places responsibility for trust squarely on us. If we trust someone and that person abuses the trust we have given, the problem is ours, because we misjudged that we could trust them.
Trust is not a reward for someone's merit. It is a decision you make consciously, and you bear responsibility for it.
The role of trust in negotiations
For negotiations, trust is like oil for an engine: it keeps conversations running smoothly while preventing relationships from being damaged. In an environment of trust, we do not waste energy monitoring whether our counterpart is trying to deceive us, nor do we scheme about how to pull off a deception ourselves.
We can devote more energy to listening and understanding and to constructive conversation. Trust is an essential ingredient for interest-based, win-win negotiations.
Read also: Building Relationships in Negotiations
Relationships are the foundation of trust. Learn practical tips on how to build them.
The trust game
When trust does not yet exist or has been withdrawn, a game is played for it. Most people base their decision to trust someone on whether that person has proven trustworthy in the past. This way, we can easily lock ourselves into a circle that neither side wants to break out of.
That is why it helps to view trust not as something you earn, but as something you give. I give trust because it is my will to do so (not because you have shown me that I can). Have the courage to be the first person who extends trust to both parties.
How to build trust: practical tips
- Explain your demands. According to psychology, we tend to see others in a less favorable light than we see ourselves. Sharing your circumstances and explaining your point of view can be the cement of trust, as it signals transparency, which implies honesty. What is unknown to us causes stress, and what we understand reduces it.
- Speak your counterpart's language. Knowing industry-specific terms is fundamental; without that, you can quickly lose credibility. Understanding body language also helps convey sincerity. Familiarize yourself with your counterpart's perspective, situation, aspirations, and history. This demonstrates your dedication and good intentions.
- Use your reputation. If you know someone who also knows your future negotiation partner, it may be beneficial to have them contribute to the first stage of the meeting. Your future counterpart will encounter your reputation before they encounter you. Treat it as a tool.
Related article: Persuasion and Influence in Negotiation
Trust and ethical persuasion go hand in hand. Learn how to negotiate with integrity.
Summary
Trust in negotiations is not a luxury; it is the foundation of effective conversations. When you shift your perspective and start treating trust as your own decision rather than a reward for someone else's merits, you open the door to agreements that benefit both sides.
Quick win: Before your next negotiation, explain to your counterpart why you are proposing certain terms. Transparency builds trust faster than any promise ever could.
